I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
