Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
