in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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