Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
