What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
