White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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