i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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