someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
