Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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