Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
