I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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