eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
