dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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