One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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