Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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