Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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