I've blown a few things in my day
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
