Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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