remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
