At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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