hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
