Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
