So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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