when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
