i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
