Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
