Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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