NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
