im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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