my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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