I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
