Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
