Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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