I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
