i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The Olympian is in my bed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
