I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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