i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
