So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
