Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
