I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
