butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
