My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
