Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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