PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
