now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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