I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
