dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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