Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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