can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize