you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
