i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
