You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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