i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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