we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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