i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
