Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk is a universal language darling
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