I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
