I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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