You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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