sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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