i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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