good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
