I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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