i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
