she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize