Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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