Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
