Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
