just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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