So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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