the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Boobs speak an international language.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
