i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
