My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
